A boring post about fat.
I have been doing Weight Watchers again. I did it last year and lost about 14lbs which since then I basically gained back. It got to be summer and i wanted to eat nachos and drink margaritas and just not give a shit. You know, life is short and all of that.
So, now I doing it again and I am holding at five pounds lost. For six weeks I have just been in a holding pattern. I keep working out (I bought this stair stepper thing on Amazon and I could kill you with thighs now, but I am not getting any thinner) and drinking water and eating my points... and, ugh, I am just stuck.
I hate that I am even writing about this. It is so boring. It feels so shallow... but I know it is not just about how I look but also about my health. There is diabetes and heart disease in my family. I cannot be FAT. It is no good. And so many people would say "oh, you aren't fat!" but I am not in shape either, I weigh more than I should.
But, life is short. On one hand, I don't want to spend my life as a fattie but I also don't want to counting every calorie that goes into my mouth. It is a hard balance. I LOVE food. I love cheese. I love chips. I love salt. I get JOY from being with my friends and eating food. Sometimes I eat too much, sometimes I think, just two more chips! And then I have, you know, ten more. They are so good! I wonder where my will power goes in those moments.
There is not much point to this post. But I am trying. I keep trying and working and hoping when I get on that stupid fucking scale. Hoping for a smaller number.
Sometimes I am tired of thinking about it and I just want to eat all the Skittles.
