"And again that bolt...stayed where it was, up in the back of the blue."

This week I have been thinking that I'm only really talking to one person when I am not working. And I was horrified because suddenly I realized "I am becoming That Girl Who Only Talks To Her Boyfriend".

This is weird for me on many levels. The first being I've never really been with any one person for so long and I am still thinking I am doing this whole Relationship Thing wrong. Can you do it wrong? I don't know but shouldn't I be more open? More expressive? More...something?

The second reason it is so weird is because of how much I love my friends. They complete me! I'm an only child and my friends are IT. My family, my tribe, my whathaveyou. How can I not have talked to some of them for weeks? For months?!? It was an entire week without talking to either of my closest friends which was not a matter of life or death but it was strange.

Finally though I realized, it's not that I only have room for him. It's partly that I know my friends are good friends, they aren't going anywhere. And I should give myself a break, new job, etc. I want to spend time with everyone but I can't. I'm exhausted! I think everyone understands because they know how far I've come.

I've always thought it was sort of a strange thing; how people couple up. How is one person enough? You want to spend all your time with ONE OTHER PERSON and that satisfies you? That makes you happy and you don't need anyone else?? REALLY?! I remember driving home with a certain person two years ago and having this loud and clear thought which went something like, "this is how you do it". It was all clear and now here it is. It's this feeling like calmness, only different. I used to wonder every time we hung up the phone, "when will I talk to him again?" and now I know, soon. I don't worry about the in between times now, I know MORE is coming, as sure as the sun is coming up. From the inside out.

It's beyond knowing or feeling. It's there.

Comments

[Al]

Coupling up is not enough, but it's like nothing else, and that's why we crave it. You, m'dear, deserve love of every type in spades.

This friend is sorry she's been so absent this week. Can I just say, by way of partial explanation, that Hermione refuses to crap in the rain? It's made the past four days or so a living and smelling hell... but that's no excuse for not being in touch. XXOO Al