pretty crabby

2006: About

Wow, Another year gone. They seem to speed the heck up as you get older, that is for sure. I tried to explain to someone how that is because they are a shorter amount of your life (when you are 10, a year is one tenth of your life. When you are 30th, it's 1/30th. And so on.) - they did not understand me. And that is nothing new.

Anyway, let's do this thing.

2006: The Year.

Theme of this year: Wow. I don't know if I even bothered to think about a theme for this year. Looking back I see my intended motto was DON'T GET BOGGED DOWN IN THE DETAILS, and I think I did manage that. Honestly though, this year was just sort of a tidal wave that picked me up and tossed me around.

But in the best possble way.

Best Month of the Year: July. I didn't know how to feel about turning 30, but it ended up feeling more like BEING MYSELF than I thought it would, if that makes any sense at all. I don't know, I have always been friends with people older than me and even though I feel 12 on most days, I also felt like I was catching up to myself somehow. 

Best Day of the Year: My birthday was a really good day, from beginning to end. This was just one happy moment. (you can totally see my boobs in that picture but whatever. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!)

Worst Day/Time of the Year: There was a blip around Presidents Day and that kind of sucked. Otherwise, things were pretty good. I know, you hate me.

Favorite Person of the Year: Wendi was awesome and we spent loads of time together but I must give it up to my new awesome friend, Sarah. I was so glad to meet her and hang out with her and the bf totally found a new pal in her husband. We totally became one of those gross couple foursomes! I hate those people! Fantastic!

Favorite Moment of the Year: I might have to come back to this. Or maybe it is not fit to print...hmmm.

Favorite CD of the Year: I loved Discover a Lovelier You by the Pernice Brothers, which actually came out in 2005. Also, Rabbit Fur Coat by Jenny Lewis (thanks, Wendy!) and Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple was played a lot in the start of the year. Now Pernice Brothers have a new CD and I have been getting into that.

Favorite Song of the Year: Another one I need to come back to. Have to check my MOST PLAYED on iTunes.

Favorite Movie: Even though The Squid and The Whale came out in 2005, we didn't see it until 2006. We were the only ones laughing and at the end I said to my boyfriend "children of divorce!" Everyone else there must have come from un-broken homes.

Live Show of the Year: I saw Frank Black who I love love love but I think I was most excited to see Smoking Popes, and they were truly fucking great. I think I almost cried like 10 times from happiness.

Best Thing I Bought: I got a beautiful white leather bag for my birthday which was love. My mom bought it but I actually picked it out. Also a new camera which takes videos, and that has been fun. 

Favorite Trip: The Cape for my birthday was great.

Book of the Year: I read a ton of memiors this year. I liked the Glass Castle, and Jesus Land. And then over Thanksgiving I read Time Travellers Wife and that has been in my head ever since.

So, here comes 2007. I remember being little and thinking about the year 2000 and wondering where I would be. I don't remember thinking past that honestly and now, here we are. It's not really meaningful to write, but it hasn't happened yet. So I don't know... I guess we'll see where I end up when it all evens out.

You just never know now, do you?

I hope your new year is happy and safe! See you in 2007!

(Here's what I said last year, in case you're curious.)

It's bound to melt your heart, one way or another.

How was your Christmas, Internet?

Good, I'm so glad to hear it. Yes, mine was pretty good also. I woke up early with coffee in red cheerful mugs and coffee cake and Charlie Browns Christmas playing on the stereo. I opened a wide variety of gifts (highlights, this, and also this Sephora money from my mom, who is a crazy person). Then we had mimosas.

Then we went back to bed with The Band's Greatest Hits playing in the background.

We also made an epic Christmas breakfast and for the first time ever I made French Toast. I decided to actually make French toast sticks, because food in the form of a stick is appealing somehow. I am unsure why. Some kind of weird penis envy or something?

On Christmas Eve there was church and veggie takeout with our nice friends and their new baby (Merry 1st Christmas to Otis!) and It's a Wonderful Life. When Harry says "to my big brother, George, the richest man in town" forget it, it's over. Pass the tissues.

I am a huge Christmas dork.

Other times I cried included when the pastor in the Church talked about how blessed we are and how we just need to stop and think about how much we have. I honestly have to STOP stopping to think about because every time I do I just burst into tears. Is THAT what you want, God?? Thanks a ton. I honestly can't even look at that above photo without starting to cry. I really need to pull it together over here. What is my problem?

On Christmas day we drove around to see family and feel cozy and it was all just generally pretty good. There was turkey and searching for presents under other presents (material madness!) and driving home in the dark, looking at Christmas lights and holding hands.

Feeling like where I was sitting was exactly where I was suppose to be. Like I knew it all along, but just finally got there. And that was pretty great.

My New Years resolution is to write more. To write different things. To come back and say hi more often, even if no one is listening. Just because you need to start somewhere. I'm very excited for 2007 and whatever is going to come next. I feel like everything is waiting and we all have to go out and find it. So, let's all start together.

Ready, set...go!

Then let us all rejoice again.

For the first time in a long time, I feel very much in the Christmas spirit.

Last weekend I put up a tree with help from my dad and now it is sitting in front of me, bright and full of ornaments I bought and presents I wrapped, looking like pure potential.

This year I will be home, in my own house, on Christmas. For the first time ever. I will be with my chosen person and we will be doing our own thing - whatever that is. I am not entirely sure yet because it is unprecendented. And that makes me happy and so excited.

I remember being a kid and loving Christmas and getting so excited sometimes I could barely breathe. My parents spent Christmas together, with me, for many years after they were no longer a couple. I know they did that because of me ONLY and they made it special for their kid because they could. It breaks my heart now when I see parents using their kids as a middle man or acting like children themselves, unable to rise above their own shit to do something for their kids. But I digress... (as I do).

Christmas Eve we would often go to church, which was a very rare occurance other times during the year. I loved seeing everyone in their Christmas best and feeling that happy anticipation feeling of whatever was going to come next. No one knew exactly, but they knew it was going to be good.

We would drive home in the dark and sometimes I would get to chose one present to open from under the tree. When I was 7 and 8 it was always that Barbie shaped box from one of my grandparents.

Every Christmas I would get up first and go and lie under the tree by myself in the early morning light, just waiting.

I would take everything out of my stocking, look at it, and put it back in. I would sit in the glow of the lights, with everything wrapped in front of me. Not knowing what anything was. Not knowing who was going to get what or what we were about to see.

I could lie there in the quiet just knowing it was going to be good.