pretty crabby

We live in a beautiful world. Yeah we do, yeah we do.

I feel like I have a song in my head, but I don't know how it goes. You know what I mean? Like there is something RIGHT THERE but I can't see it. What is it? What does it want? I don't know. I hope this feeling passes soon or I might have to start drinking.

Tomorrow I am going out of town. Only overnight. Only an hour away. But I'm excited. I haven't really gone any place since I went to a funeral in May and I really don't think that counts, do you? That wasn't any  pleasure cruise. I will be close to the ocean, there will be a pool, and maybe drinks. And hopefully sun. I even took a half day off so I will get picked up from work and direct my ride TO THE BEACH! And off we'll go. Into the sunset. Or maybe just into the sun, you know how it is.

What else? This week there have been a lot of visitors in town and barbecues and dinners out. At one barbecue there were five ladies present, including me. Two of the ladies are pregnant and one had a baby a few months ago. Do not drink the fruit punch is what I decided. I can barely keep up with my cat, who once again is having trouble maintaining his long hair. On Tuesday night I gave him a bath. Why, YES, it was as fun as you imagine it would be .

Anyway, I have had so much to eat in the last three days, I could have fed a family of five with the leftovers. Cream sauce and pasta and butter, OH MY. Last night we went out with the dude's family folks and his niece told me my "outer skin" was cool, but my inner skin was warm. And I think I should be glad about that.

Tonight I will pack my new bathing suit and my sunblock and ready myself for 24 hours outside of dodge. I hope there are warm breezes and ocean smells and clean sheets. I will be happy, no matter what.

Some words about things.

Yesterday Dunkin Donuts tried to charge me ninety one cents for air.

I wanted a bagel, just plain because I was going to toast it at work so the woman entered that in ("BAGEL $0.99") and then I saw "NO SPREAD $0.91" at which point I was all, well, I don't want to be a pain but I am paying almost a dollar FOR NOTHING? Hmm. Not only are we a wasteful breed but we are now also just throwing our money away to get the bagel with nothing on it. I am paying for the bagel AND the fact that I am boring and don't want blueberry cream cheese! Which, by the way, ew. I don't want any kind of berries anywhere near my cream cheese. Maybe a chive but that is where I draw the line. I don't want to CHEW my cream cheese. At that point, I could just be eating cheese!

So. Anyway.

Last week work was hard and I was upset and I cried at my desk. But for once it wasn't because someone yelled at me or was an asshole, it was just because WOW ACTUAL WORK IS CONFUSING SOMETIMES. And I was overwhelmed. It has been a long time since I was actually CHALLENGED by a job and I honestly did not know what to do with that. I mean, that is over simplifying in some sense because I am not above trying to figure shit out but there was no one to ask so eventually I just called it a day and took my laptop home. I took work home! Who am I? Then on Sunday afternoon after a long and very indulgant brunch, I sat on my couch eating popsicles and trying to figure HOW THE HELL TO DO THIS SHIT?!

After an hour I gave up and then on Monday morning I came into work and SURPRISE it all seemed a lot easier again. My boss even wrote me a nice email after I sent him this stupid long confusing thing saying "Great job!" so that made me feel good. I had some sort of feeling I couldn't identify and I then I realized, Hey! That's work pride!! WHO KNEW?

Last week my boss told me that if I wanted, I could get a Blackberry. Um. Wow. I have a real job and I can even have REAL JOB TOYS if I want them. I MUST BE IMPORTANT! So far I am just thinking about it because I like the idea that people can't really reach me now unless I am at my desk. (And even then I kind of ignore calls and hit "DIVERT" (the best phone button ever) and then call them back on my own time because that is how I roll.) The Dude was all pro-Blackberry thinking that maybe work would then pay for my personal calls, but I am not sure how to exactly ask about that. "So, do you pay for ALL my calls?" Or "do you mind if I make extra phone calls which aren't business related?" I mean, people must do that all the time, right??

Finally, this is my favorite thing of today which is kind of outdated but I don't care. Enjoy!

This is my awesome grampa

This is my awesome grampa, originally uploaded by emilym.

He is cooler than you.

True facts about me

My thumbs are double jointed. Only my thumbs.

I have never broken a bone and I have never had a cavity.

If I liked the movie, I clap at the end. Why don't you?

My favorite color is a blue-ish/greenish aqua color which doesn't really have a name. It is somewhere around the color of my bedroom ... but not exactly.

When I get bored at work, I order myself an office supply item. It always cheers me up. Thanks, shopping!

Sometimes random people will tell me I am pretty. These people are always people I have just met and they are ALWAYS over sixty five years old. What is it that makes me so appealing to the grandparents of the world? I am not sure but I expect to hit my stride and be a real hussy at about 70 years old.

I can't wait.

The sun in California, it drops right into the sea. I took a couple pictures, they don't mean that much to me.

On Saturday I went to the ocean with Alex and Jack.

As I was floating around in the lovely water I was thinking about how I love hte ocean more than really anything else. I love the beach, I love the sun, I love the water. I love swimming. I LOVE IT. Even when my umbrella blew away and I thought it was gone forever - the beach tried to steal my umbrella! - I didn't care. I loved the beach. Even when those annoying girls wouldn't shut up about bikinis, and that guy near me was playing Bon Jovi, I STILL LOVED THE OCEAN.

For the ocean, I am totally the girl who keeps coming back. I am all, the beach hits because it loves! I refuse to see any faults, if an occasional rock stubs my toe, I AM UNFAZED. My greatest dream would be to wake up and walk outside in the morning and take a few steps to the ocean. The ocean loves me when I first wake up, with pillow scars on my skin. It doesn't care about my morning breath.

A few years ago my dad and Carl and I spent a good hour floating in the water at this same beach (will I ever stop saying "beach"? No. No I will not) and it was warm and so calm, I almost wanted to cry. It was one of those YAY LIFE moments that I love so much and I've been having them at this same place for years and years. I feel the most at home by the ocean. It feels like where I belong. And having moved consistantly since I was born (over 24 times for those of you keeping track at home) - that is a big damn deal to me.

For whatever it is worth, the power of attraction seems to work for me. It worked me into this job and into my relationship and while I didn't sit back and hope and pray I would get those things, I thought about them a lot and here I am. With them. In my cool new apartment with friends I love and obviously my life is not perfect (um, yeah, someday I will get my credit together and WON'T THAT BE NOVEL) but it is pretty okay, so I can't really complain. Too much.

I do wish I lived closer to the ocean though.

That lovely blue.