pretty crabby: Elementary

Five: One day when I am walking to school (from our house across the street) I see a cocoon on a tree and I break the branch off. When I get to school I say I found it and Mrs. K (my teacher with the long Greek name) puts it in a glass aquarium. On the day it breaks open, she and I go outside while the other kids stay in and we let the butterfly go, standing alone in the field.

Six: My teacher is my mom's good friend, Carol. For the first few weeks of school I can't stop calling her by her first name. Then when she comes over sometimes to have a beer with my mom on her porch, I get stuck again and keep calling her "Mrs. Madden".

Seven: Mrs. Collins is my teacher. We have two praying mantises in class and one day when we come in there is only one. She reads us James and the Giant Peach every day after lunch. We lie in a big mass on the floor, we're not afraid if our arms and legs touch. There is the sound of Velcro being ripped apart, over and over again.

Eight: We move to a new city, a new state, in the middle of fourth grade. I can't see the board, I can't see the teacher, so I squint until my head hurts and pretend it is just a new nervous tick I have. This obviously wins me a lot of friends. Some boy makes fun of me for licking my lips at lunch (where I sit alone). I resolve to never do that again. I have to get glasses, and my dad picks them out. A bright fuscia pair just for me.

Nine: Jeannette is my best friend until the night I have a sleepover with her and two other girls and she convinces them all to hate me and they lock me out of my bedroom. I start wearing makeup every day and my babysitter gives me all her old nailpolish and I paint every finger and toe a different color. Her boyfriend has a dog and they take me out with them to drive around in his fancy car. I decide the dog is mine, and whisper that in his ear, our secret. For my birthday they call me outside and give me a Cabbage Patch Kid. They both know this is a huge thing to do, but they act cool. As cool as teenagers need to act around a 9 year old who thinks they hung the moon.

Ten: We move again and I change schools and have a man for a teacher. My friends and I decide to be in the talent show and sing Walk Like an Egyptian by the Bangles. Jennifer writes the words out for us and we all practice singing along to it every day behind the school. One morning we are waiting to go inside when a rock flies out and hits Jennifer in the head. I look over and see blood and then teachers surrounding her. We have to drop out of the talent show, but I still know every word to that song, I can see her round handwriting in my head.

Eleven: We move back to Vermont and I hate my school. I start staying home when my mom leaves for work until one day no one can find me and they call the police. That night when I am back home, I sit in the bathtub and my mom and I talk. I don't pay close attention to what she says but I watch the water going over my feet, and I know I am just where I need to be.