Falling for you.

Life just keep happening and going and WHOOSH, there it goes.

One friend is engaged; one has a sick parent; one just got married; one had a baby. I would like to write about something light and carefree but this year has just been heavy and it has been a lot. There have been good things, so many lovely good things but the bad things? They have been so bad and so much, and they haven't even happened to ME but I feel the weight of them. I feel for my friends and the people I love. I wonder what will happen. I wait and see.

On Saturday we walked up a hill and looked at our city. It's a nice city. It's been home for a long time now. I grew up here. I moved away and I came back. Lots of people I love are here. When I am looking out at my skyline, my city, I feel like I am looking at an old friend. When I go away and come back, it's always waiting for me.

Seriously, sometimes I don't even know what I am talking about. I am just a girl trying to figure things out. I've been thinking about America and how as a whole we are a country which doesn't really think about ourselves.  Have you been to those places where everyone just gets up and goes to work and comes home and they are FINE. They are happy. But you can see that they aren't thinking at all about their place in the world or what comes after this. There seems to be one layer and that is it. How can't they wonder? Are they just that happy and contented? I sort of envy that and wonder what that must feel like. I lie in bed at night and think about the end of the world.

It doesn't make me better or worse, it just is how it is right now. I wonder what the point of all of this is. This, LIFE. Any of us, being who we are. Getting up, watching hours of Bravo marathons. Buying meaningless Ugg boots. Surfing the web. Going to work. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

What does all this wondering, thinking, analyzing get me? Does it move me forward or just keep me in the same place watching things go by?

I guess I just don't know yet.

Comments

[Em]

Oh, I think like that all the time, too. Like, I know this is an awful thing to think, but sometimes I wish I was a little dumber, a little less observant of what's going on, so that I could just skate through, too.

[Em]

P.S. - And then I feel like a jerk for thinking that other people are dumb, and that their lives aren't just as brambly as mine. It's a double-edged sword, this humility!

[styro]

The only meaning in life is the meaning we give it. If all there is to life is this, the actual living of it, is that disappointing to you?

[Em]

No. I don't find life disappointing at all.