Where my heart is.

There are two camps lately in my life. People breaking up and people having babies.

In the past year, five babies have been born in my world and right now three of my friends are pregnant. One of them is about to pop any day now. I know she is super anxious to see her little girl and I am excited for that baby. She's going to have a great life with extremely adorable parents. (Seriously, they people should be sold at a Hallmark store next to the figurines and balloons. They are That Cute.)

The people breaking up are not as cute. They are annoyed and upset and pissed off. And more than that, they are confused. I am hearing so many "and then we broke up, but I don't know WHY?!" stories lately. Much time is being spent on trying to figure out the REASON why this happened. Sometimes we just need a reason to move on. It seems to me that we should at least get to know WHY it is happening. Maybe there is no reason but COME ON, usually there is some kind of reason. Why do dudes feel compelled to tell the ladies bullshit? Things like, "we don't have chemistry" or "I just don't know". Maybe sometimes there isn't. Maybe sometimes you don't know but I think a lot of times you do. I think you are trying to spare our feelings or something?

Here's a tip; stop fucking "sparing our feelings" because it isn't working. We aren't stupid. We know there is another reason. Maybe you don't like us, maybe you don't want to have a girlfriend, maybe there is someone else. At least start telling the truth, it will make it that much easier for us to understand and then we'll realize what all of friends is saying is true - you don't deserve us anyway.

***

Anyway. I am doing a bit better since my last post. Thank you for your nice comments. I know that a lot of people feel this way and sometimes just knowing you aren't the only one wondering these things can make you feel better. Knowing I am not the only crazy one looking at everyone and thinking "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" does make me SLIGHTLY more comfortable. I feel like the entire reason for Heaven is so that people feel better about dying. And I suppose there is not a better reason than that.

Tomorrow I will take a little airplane trip to Michigan for my cousin's wedding reception on Saturday (here's us a few years back). I am looking forward to seeing my extended family, many for the first time in almost three years. I will be glad to see my mom, who I haven't seen in months. I love my friends and they are my CHOSEN family but I think with all the things I have been thinking about lately, it will be nice to see the people who HAVE TO LOVE ME because we're related. Even when I am nuts.

Sometimes we just need to go home.

Comments

[Olivia]

Wow, i'm delurking to say my life is exactly the same way right now. There are the baby-people and the breaking-up and/or divorcing-people, and very few in between those camps. I figure everyone in the proximity of 30 probably goes through this stage. Sadly, i'm in the breaking-up camp and slowly hiking towards the "dating: I barely remember what this is like"-camp. Sigh.

[teahouseblossom]

Hey, just found your site. Great writing!

I waffle on the give-me-a-reason-it's-over thing. In the past I've wanted to know sometimes, but other times I've been secretly relieved not to know.

[smallstatic]

Also delurking as a freshly minted 31 year old in the breaking up (with a broken engagement to boot) camp. Very nice to know that there IS this camp however, and not only the sea of breeders with baby showers to attend. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself but also too tired to really get back in the game. I just can't believe it isn't going to happen for me too. I freaking deserve it already. I also would like to heartily second the need for less bullshit all around. Great post. ~ss

[rahree]

OMG, do we have the same friends? New parents and divorcees populate my world. I'll be honest- I am always at a loss as to what to say, what to do. It's a strange new world...

[Heather B.]

I always get nervous when I read posts like this. Because they're very true and will probably be part of my future, but I like things the way they are now. Where my friends only casually date and no one is getting divorced or having babies and there aren't heavy life moments. Sadly, this will not last, but reading this makes me want to stop the inevitable.

[Em]

One friend JUST got engaged so I guess she is on the way to baby camp but at least not in the break up camp. Oh and my cousin just got married... so it rolls on!