Missing in action

I am missing an apparently important gene. The ENGAGEMENT gene. Or the wanting to be engaged gene? The wanting to plan a wedding gene? I am not sure what it is called, maybe because I DO NOT HAVE IT.

Lately a lot of my friends have been getting engaged and then (happily!) married. Of course this seems to bring up the question of when I might possibly be getting engaged. Listen up everyone, the answer is never.

I so don't have it that engagement gene that last week when I sent a picture of my friend's engagement ring to Flickr, everyone thought I was engaged. It had not even occurred to me that people might think that. Oops.

I think it is great for people who want that. I am so happy for my friends who do. But I don't. For me, it's a waste. I don't want an engagement ring (until The Dude has to wear one, why should I?) - I would rather go on a trip. Or get a new couch. I don't wan to belong to someone else, until we're married when I do. And then HE wears a ring as well. Look at that! How fair and crazy! 

I won't be changing my name. Unless I marry someone with the last name "Rockstar" or maybe "Ballbuster" - that would be awesome, right? Until then, I like my name just fine. It's MY name.

I have talked to people about this and the impression is something is wrong with me. For not wanting What Everyone Else Wants. I don't know what is going to happen to me but I know what is not. I am not going down the same path everyone else is just because that is what you think I should do. Because that is what everyone wants. People seem to think I am trying to shit on their dream of being married, engaged, etc by saying I don't want it. People think I will change my mind someday.

Just because I don't want what you want doesn't make me crazy or confused.

It just makes me myself.

Comments

[Nate]

I completely understand. My guy & I had planned and planned to get married, and then we helped a dear friend plan and execute her wedding, and we decided that WE HATE WEDDINGS. All those people looking at me, all the questions and planning and spending. We live together, we're happy, so whatever.

As for the people thinking you're weird: Meh. Wear it with pride.

[Heather B.]

I have zero interest in getting married. Though it would probably be considered negative interest because I find the idea so unappealing. I love when people try to change my mind though and tell me that when I get 'older' I'll reconsider. I'm not going to say never because that's rather absolute and anything could happen, but I will say that as of right now, the possibility of my getting married is equal to the possibility of icicles in Hell.

[Em]

I absolutely may get married. I just won't get ENGAGED with the ring and trumpets and flowers... blah blah blah bridezilla.

[michelle]

i fully agree.

[K]

As someone who got married, did the engagement ring, dress, wedding, name change, and then had to undo it all, tell the rest of the world to go fuck themselves. :D

It's great if one wants all that stuff AND know you have the right guy, but don't let the former get in the way of the latter. Go you Em!

[Charise]

Hi, I've been reading your blog for a while now, but don't think I've commented before.

I'm engaged, and I don't want to change my name either. People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them and wonder if maybe I don't really want to get married then, or talk about how "complicated" and "confusing" it will be. Why, because you have to give up your identity in order to get married?

And I had the same thoughts about an engagement ring (about it being a sign of ownership), but gave into my vain side because it was just so pretty and sparkly. However, we made the decision to get married together and picked out the ring together. None of this the guy gets to make the big decision himself and "surprise" you crap.

Good for you for not following the crowd!

[Em]

I am happy for anyone who does it their way and mad at all the people who think there should be One Way to do anything. Marriage and choosing who you want to be with hopefully forever is so personal, why should the ROAD TO MARRIAGE be any different!?

So good for YOU, Charise!

[Alyce]

Totes do it your own way. Whatever floats your boat, you know?

We had a wedding and we wear matching rings. I didn't want the engagement ring either and I was looked at like I was insane. We both hyphenated our names. We almost chose a new last name, because I am just that crazy. Our names would blend nicely into Hilton (this was 1998, so pre-Paris) and I kept advocating for that - good restaurant reservations. I am so glad we didn't!

Anyway, the stuff doesn't matter. The marriage/relationship/commitment does. Sounds like you've got your priorities straight to me.

[Sarah Brown]

I'm all for getting married. Just maybe not having a wedding? I don't know about that; I change daily. But no diamond ring for me, unless there's a really good story behind it.

[Em]

The diamond ring is weird to me, maybe I can have a baby Sea Monkey toe or something. You know, to wear on a necklace. That would be good.