pretty crabby

Winter is stupid

I am back. It is dumb. There is snow on the ground and it's completely grey. Why do I live in New England again? I also came back just in time to go to a memorial service (which I was glad to be able to do actually, as it was my good friend's family member who had passed away) but that made coming back even more depressing. It's grey, and cold, AND you're going to a funeral! Ugh.

Las Vegas is a silly silly town. It is also kind of amazing that there is just this big adult Disney Land in the middle of the desert. Plunked down, in the center of absolutely nothing. But I loved all the palm trees and seeing flowers and on Monday when I sat out in the sun and I actually felt kind of sick from it. My body was all, WHAT IS THIS HOT BALL IN THE SKY? DOES NOT COMPUTE. REJECTION!

Do you understand what I am saying? My body doesn't understand sun. This is truly horrifying.

Anyway. Here are some pictures if you want to see. Click the palm tree for Vegas photos and the Grand Canyon for, well, Grand Canyon photos.

After I digest the trip, I will write some more about it.

So happy together!

So happy together!, originally uploaded by emilym.

I got a new bag. Really, that is the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately.

Friday I leave for Vegas. I will post when I come back next weekend. It really cannot come soon enough.

Have I told you lately, you're so money and you don't even know it? Well. You are. See you soon.

Far away.

Liverpool, 1999

We're in Paul McCartney's childhood home and my mom is touching everything he must have touched, the door knobs, the banisters. When we walk up the stairs to what was once his bedroom we make sure to stand in the doorway for a long time. It is like trying to follow a ghost, the ghost of someone who is still alive. At one point I am alone in the living room, listening to the tape on tour. It is saying how RIGHT HERE was where Paul and John wrote I Wanna Hold Your Hand, and the day Paul's brother watched John walk into the house for the first time, he thought he looked pretty cool. He was just some cool kid, coming over to hang out.

Italy, June 2000

It is so dry and hot, all I smell is dead grass and it makes my skin itchy. When I breathe, hot air fills my lungs. Nothing feels refreshing or different, but I love it. I think about how I could be naked and I probably wouldn't notice. I walk as far away from the villa as I can while still in sight of it. I play Ant in Alaska over and over on my headphones. I can't stop thinking about how far away I am from him, but it doesn't seem far enough. I know I have to go home eventually.

Italy, March 2003

I am walking on an overpass between small streets filled with pottery shops and I look down and see old brick buildings and a tiny bridge all covered in moss. It is like ruins in Rome, only completely deserted and partially filled with trash. Later I show my dad and he decides we have to "GET DOWN THERE!" and finally we find a way in. A stray dog runs after us, excited for company. My dad stands on the tiny bridge which I think is about to collapse but he assures me, it's hundreds of years old! This doesn't seem like a great argument but he's so happy. I think, this is what he looked like when he was a kid.

London, October 2003

The day I go through Notting Hill and walk alone in Portebello Market is the day I am happiest. I find an Internet cafe and get a cappuchino that is bigger than my face. I sit alone at the computer and write happy messages to my parents and my friends. There is an Italian guy my age next to me, smoking hand rolled cigarettes. He takes his headphones off, taps me on the shoulder, and offers me one. I think about it for a minute before I shake my head, smiling.

Oh my god, I CANNOT WAIT.

Oh my god, I CANNOT WAIT., originally uploaded by emilym.

How many ways can you say AWESOME?

1. I will be here in 10 days.
2. It is a million degrees warmer than Boston. YES, A MILLION.
3. Okay, not a million BUT STILL.
4. When I come back, February will almost be over!
5. And then I am off to New York!

Life is not so terrible after all.

Cruel February, so quick to cash and carry 28 stacks of days.

It's been raining since Friday and I am getting really bored of it. Today I feel as gray as it is outside, I could just sit here and cry for awhile and that would be okay.

I miss the sun. I miss painted toenails and opened toe shoes. I miss swimming and salt and sand. It is times like this when packing up and moving somewhere warm seems like the best idea you could ever have. Who cares if California is about to fall into the sea... it's so lovely there. More than once in the past few days I have said "I am moving to Mexico." Yesterday I said, "we could get a chicken! And eat eggs for breakfast!" Then we could have a dog that would run on the beach. We could have skin like leather and bleached out hair. What would be wrong with that?

In two weeks I am going to Las Vegas for four days. I know it is going to be a whirlwind of activity and I probably won't even get much time to sit in the sun or smell desert air but it will be a CHANGE OF SCENERY and that is all I want right now. I KNOW I am lucky and I have a blessed life but when your boss makes you cry and your friends can't even return your messages it just makes me want to cash in my chips.

And Vegas is full of chips. I hope I have some opportunties to cash them all in.

To start again.

Click!

I have added a new page for daily photos. I am having trouble with the archives and can't figure out how to get them to show. So, let's say it's in progress.

But check it out and let me know what you think.

This is my most "famous" photo on Flickr.

Love, originally uploaded by emilym.

Which is funny to me. Because, you know, it's a picture OF MY BED.

It is nice when one part of your life comes together and looks nice. For me, that's my bedroom.

Hey. It's a start.