pretty crabby

Babies, death, houses. etc etc.

I am resorting to list form again. It's one of those days. Here's why...

1. Everyone I know is pregnant. Are you pregnant? I wouldn't be surprised. Anyone I know who is not pregnant has a baby already. EVERYONE I KNOW! I saw a very cute baby bouncing in his seat when I went out to dinner with my friend last week and his parents were ignoring him. People are so jaded about babies they are just ignoring them outright! If I had that bouncy baby I would not be so quick to ignore him. Also, he is already pushed out and born and everything... I should have just grabbed him.   
2. Speaking of babies, Lovely Eden and Alice launched a new site this week, Let's Panic about Babies! This is so timely since like I said EVERYONE ON EARTH HAS or is having A BABY.   
3. Today my grandparents house sold. It has been on the market since my grampa died last year. I was reading the emails being sent back and forth between my dad and his siblings and I was suddenly crying at my desk. My entire life my grandparents lived in that house. I remember getting up mornings there and coming downstairs to find my gramma in her apron, telling me to have something to eat. It feels like they should still be there in that kitchen, having coffee and sitting at the table. I keep thinking of them there, even though they are not. I don't know where they are, and that just makes me really sad. 
4. I wish I had an office I could go cry in. It is not really conducive to be crying in a cubicle. And how can I get up and go to the bathroom when I would have to pass at least five offices and four more cubes on my way there. Oh, hi! I'm just crying! No big deal! So I sat at my desk and cried for 10 minutes (with my back to the "door" which is not really a DOOR but an "opening to the hall way in which anyone can see me") until I could get my shit together. Oy. 
5. Earlier this week my flickr account expired and I haven't renewed it because no one looks at or comments on my flickr anymore. Yet, I have four years worth of pictures there and since my account has expired I can't access them. So I feel forced to renew. Yahoo (flicks annoying partner) sucks and I don't want to, but they are holding me prisoner with four years worth of photos of my cat.  
6. Speaking of Yahoo... this week I was sending a mass email to my friends (you're welcome!) and I noticed that a few friends still have AOL email accounts. Wow. Really? What year is this? I mean, you know you can get a Gmail or Yahoo account FOR FREE now, right? And everyone gets confused by the Gmail interface (I know, I know) but it's just LABELS versus FOLDERS and it is not that challenging or difficult. Yahoo is sucky but again, I am forced to keep my ancient email account because of flickr and also a tiny bit because of nostalgia. I have had that email for 10 years! Maybe I need that ancient password to eOnline or those emails about my cell phone from AT&T in 1999! I mean, you never know.   
7. It's almost time for lunch and think I will get a salad from our cafeteria. A few weeks ago there was a salad bar scandal when all the regular IN THE BIN style dressings vanished and these Kraft dressing bottles appeared and there was nothing comparable to my regular "Low Fat Balsamic", the only one close was "Low Fat Raspberry Vinaigrette" which tasted like cherry flavored plastic. It was especially annoying because there were the stickers which appeared on the glass above the salad instructing me on how to make creations like "Blue Cheese Turkey Salad!" and listing all the ingredients. Seriously, leave me alone, bossy salad bar! I know what I am doing! These were there for about 10 days until I guess many angry office workers complained and the stickers disappeared and the silver bins returned. Oh, nameless Balsamic, I love you most of all.         

With that rant I am off. Until we meet again.   

Even her horse is smug

This is the kind of thing I would normally put on my Tumblr blog, but it's just so funny I have to put it here too. I keep looking at it and laughing which I need to do because I have been having a death related anxiety attack since last night. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY YOU GUYS OH MY GOD AND THEN WE'LL BE DEAD BUT WE WON'T KNOW IT AND HOLY SHIT WHERE WILL WE BE. Etc etc. Rinse. Repeat. 

Anyway. Here it is. Laugh, damn you! 

Package of past.

I used to keep journals religiously. 

When I was 12 or so I got my first journal and I still have it. My dad made it for me and it's green and has my name on it (in gold!) and my writing is so messy and HUGE it is hard for me to read every third or fourth word. Does that say HATE or HAVE? No clue! 11 was a big year because we moved for the second time in as many years but I finally made some friends and liked my teacher and even had a boyfriend for a day. His name was Tom Webster and he had ears that stuck out and we flirted on a day trip to the Science Museum. He wrote a note that said "Tom Loves Emily" and I had it in that journal until I guess it fell out or got lost like our love. I also remember a scandalous occasion when some little tramp in the girls bathroom told me Tom wrote HER a different note and I was heartbroken for a good hour or so. Thinking back, our relationship was big because it was the first time I talked to a boy on the phone. And that phone call was about 2 minutes long and we talked about homework and hung up. Oh, fifth grade. 

There are a lot of similar hard to read stories in the diaries I hung onto. I boxed them up and have moved them various places over the past 15 years. Last year when I moved I actually went through and got rid of some which were just endless chapters of "I hate her!!!!" or "he's so cute!!!" I wish I could go back and write other things down. Like maybe you could stop writing about Kiefer Sutherland for five minutes, self. But that was my interest... boys. Which is funny considering how quiet and almost prudish my teen years turned out to be. I spent a lot more time at home writing about made up dramas than actually going out and having any. I did like any self respecting sheltered only child would and saved the drama for my twenties. 

The last journal I kept was when I was 23 and 24 and it's just plain depressing because of my dolt of a boyfriend and how miserable I was in my first real relationship. It just sort of peters out as I had less time to write about what was going on every day because we were busy breaking up every few weeks and you know I did have a job and stuff. After writing the more horrible fights down and looking back at them once or twice I thought maybe I don't want to write everything in such painstaking detail to relive for years and years. 

Instead, I did what any overly dramatic self important girl in her mid twenties does while she sits at her office job every day. 

I started a blog. Where I can write about the boring minutia of every day life and leave out all the break up and make ups and instead bore all four of you who read this thing with pop culture observations and mundane stories about my cat. Is that stability? I am not sure but I'm not complaining. 

For once.

Pride

Next weekend is Gay Pride in Boston. It seems like now is a time when people really need their pride what with California and other people in our country calling them out for who they love and telling them that is wrong. I especially enjoy the argument about not teaching homosexuality in schools. Because I know that is clearly where everyone I love learned How To Be Gay. I mean, I totally learned How To Be Straight in all my classes, didn't you? There was that one Missionary Position class I'll never forget!

I once had a conversation with someone about how being gay was "a choice" and how she loved a person in her family despite the choice he had made. So big of her. If anyone had A CHOICE about how to be, would they really choose something that would potentially ostracize them from the rest of their family?? 

Last week we watched Milk and I wanted to watch it and look at it retrospectively. I thought I would watch it and think "wow, look how far we have come." But instead it was watching people fight to keep their jobs and to overturn the discrimination that was being pushed upon them and I just thought, it's exactly the same. 

I am a girl who likes dudes. So.. lucky me. I can love who I want to love and get married if I want and it is all that much easier for me. I also don't believe in God and I am not religious or a virgin (shocking) so why is my love or who I love any better in the eyes of God according to the religious extremists in our country?? I am sure there are many people who are gay and are far more religious than I am (which would be easy since I am not religious at all). Shouldn't they go to the head of the line then, in front of me, and not behind? 

I don't know what I am saying. I know there are people who can say it far more eloquently and better than I ever could. I just get SO ANGRY when I hear these pathetic "arguments" against gay marriage. Arguments against love which compare two people to animals or look at them as beneath anyone else. You don't know me or my friends or MY FAMILY. You don't know the values that my dad, who happens to be gay, instilled in me. You don't know how honest, caring, generous, loving, strong and smart he is. You don't know anything about these families you are trying to tear down. And if you believe in God so strongly, don't you also believe that there is one true judge and that is God Himself? Isn't there something in there also about humility? So, you are not your God. And you certainly are not mine. 

God and religion do not make anyone a family. 

Only love does that.