pretty crabby

Elroy and his box

Elroy and his box
Originally uploaded by emilym

A few weeks ago this box came from JCrew. Elroy loves it. The video includes the quote "let's show people your box! Look how hairy it is!"

I know not why I do what I do.

Buddy love.

Happy Birthday to my buddy!, originally uploaded by emilym.

Everyone always has that one pet who is the best pet who they remember forever.

I have had a lot of cats in my life and they were all great and I loved them all but Elroy is by far the best.

When I went to the shelter to find a cat, there were so many that were friendly and all up in my grill wanting pets and love.

Elroy lived in the office, he didn't like other cats. The woman there said, "he bites." I sat down next to him and he looked at me with this expression that said "yeah?" I petted his head, then he gave me another less friendly look. I stopped petting him. The woman said, OH YOU UNDERSTAND CATS. Well. Yeah. And I understand MOODS.

Elroy was the cat for me.

He is cranky and sometimes for no reason he will swat your leg. Most times, he just wants to come up and give you a head butt. He purrs louder than any other cat. He lies on his back with all four feet in the air. He only wants to play with his stuffed piggy. I find it on my bed, in my bag, under the rug. He loves to lie next to me and he loves "buddy hugs" from the dude.

He is the best cat ever. Happy Birthday, Elroy!*

*also known as Badcat, Bitey, Fattie, Fatapotomus, Bunny, You With The Face, Hey You! and mostly Buddy.

My buddy.

Whiskers, originally uploaded by emilym.

Elroy is the best cat ever. You know how you have that one pet that you will always look back on as being the best? I know Elroy is that cat for me.

Right now he is licking his fur off again. I have tried every home remedy I can think of. So, now he gets to go the vet. Which he will hate. Also, have you tried carrying an 18lb cat in a carrier? Yeah. It's interesting.

I have a drs appt on Wednesday which will cost me $10. Elroy's will cost at least $80. It drives me crazy how much our love for our pets is taken advantage of. But I would pay much more for Elroy. He's the best buddy I know.

A post about my cat. You've been warned.

Oh my god, you guys? Seriously? Last night I was in hell.

Remember that other time Elroy got the matts??? Well. They are back. And they are angry.

I am not entirely sure what causes them. Is it because he is so fat that he can't maintain his own ass? What is going on there? Whenever he tries to um, access, his hind quarters he kind of falls over on one side. It is pretty funny actually. It is very Weeble-esque.

On Tuesday night I noticed that the matt was growing in size. It was large and well, to be quite honest, it was stinky. I know, SO GROSS RIGHT?! And if it was easy to simply SOLVE I would just go ahead and do it. But it is not easy. It is the very opposite of easy.

Last night when I came home I saw immediately that he couldn't even really sit down (I know, you are calling the ASPCA right now, right?) and so I did what any rational person would do.

First, I swore. This was not the first thing I wanted to do on a Thursday night believe you me! But then I gathered him up and PUT HIM IN THE SINK. All 17.5lbs of him. Then I sprayed the hose on his ass. You can imagine how PLEASED this made him!! I even squirted some soap on him and tried to sort of clean things up. It didn't really work. I rinsed him off and let him jump out of the sink. He went and furiously tried to clean himself off in the corner (weeble!) and then he stormed over to another spot and tried again (wobble!).  I cleaned up the series of puddles and grabbed the buzzers and then we got serious.

Okay. It was gross. I will spare you all the details but please picture (if you will) me in a black shirt and skirt, all wet with cat hair and soapy water, holding my cat with one hand, trying to grasp his tail between my knees (not THAT way) and trying to SHAVE HIS ASS with the other hand. ONE HANDED. I am totally joining the circus, you guys!

Also, please imagine the noise coming out of my cat which sounds something like RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLGRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Yeah, it is super good times!

Anyway. I think I solved MOST of the problem. To be honest, there are two very small matts left and I think one might be his tiny cat penis. I don't want to shave that off.

If you would like to know the moral of the story here it is: do not get a 17 pound long haired cat who cannot groom his own ass. I got the last good one.

Countdown

I know no one cares but, hey, MY BIRTHDAY IS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY! The Big 3-0! Woo! I'm such a brat. And I don't care!!

Today I got to make my birthday trip reservation. We are going to the beach! And a semi-fancy hotel with a pool and a bar! Maybe we'll even break open the mini-bar, cause what the hell, let's go crazy! I also got new sheets and a nice new bag. The spoiling has begun. Can you hear my evil laughter from where you are?

I also decided today that I hate my job. Really hate it. And when my boss was saying something about how I should learn this new thing I was thinking about how I just want to leave. God, I'm fickle.

Lastly, I know I am biased and I clearly think he is funnier than he probably really is, but this video of Elroy is priceless. He flies! He falls over! He gets embarrassed! It's already a classic. (sorry about the annoying woman who keeps saying "are you flying? ARE YOU FLYING?")

Elroy can fly on Vimeo

"Hey, you with the face!"

Please note the purring at the end. Also, no clue why I am so obsessed with him "eating the umbrella". I'm a dork.

Maybe it's because I'm an only child of divorce?

Observation:

When Elroy pushes on the screen door to try and go out, I don't say "no" or "stop it" or "stay inside".

I say: "DON'T LEAVE!"

My boy, Elroy. Etc.

Thanks to everyone for their nice comments and emails about Elroy. Especially fabulous Cait and the super funny Brian Byrne. You guys are the best. Party at my house with chips and dip and margaritas! Henry Guy and the cats (and of course the WIFE! And Allen!) are invited!

Anyway. Elroy seems both better and kind of worse. It's so weird. He seems EMOTIONALLY better. The other night he slept on my pillow and took up half the bed (what is up with cats who sleep HORIZONTAL while everyone else is clearly VERTICAL? I know, he's all "I SHALL TAKE UP AS MUCH OF THE BED AS KITTILY POSSIBLE! Mwahahah!")and ate treats and played with a catnip mouse, he seemed much more like himself. But last night he spent 30 minutes madly licking and then I dosed him with some Valerian root, and then he licked some more. The SOUND of it is driving me crazy. My mom said "maybe it is time to take him to the vet" and I KNOW I need to. This is going to be no fun for either of us. And it's easy to procrastinate when he is eating and pooping (sorry. I know. This has turned into a Kitty Blog and I apologize) and being his general cranky/mush head self. I think the only real symptom of his ISSUE (whatever that may be) is the fact that he is licking his rear quarter bald. LOVELY!

Happy Weekend! Bye!

My poor little thing

Yesterday I came home and noticed that Elroy looked weird. Yeah, weirder than normal.

On Monday when we came back from the weekend away I noticed that I could see more of his pink belly than I usually could. Or at least, I THOUGHT SO. I mean, it's hard to tell. He likes to lie on his back, all sprawled out with his legs in the air, it must feel good on his no balls. And usually all you see is white kitty underbelly. Which you absolutely should not touch. He looks like he is saying "Hey! Pet my belly!" HE IS NOT SAYING THAT.

So, instead of all the normal white fur everywhere, I saw pink. Pink kitty belly skin. I thought, 'hmm, that's weird.' but I also thought maybe I just hadn't paid super close attention before. Cause, you know, I'm self absorbed and stuff.

Anyway. Yesterday I got home and for some reason I noticed more belly than normal. And a little more naked hind leg quarter as well (which makes him sound like dinner. Mmm, hind quarter! Don't mind if I do!). And then I noticed a BIG BALD SPOT right on his back. About the size of a half dollar. But, THAT WAS SKIN, baby. No doubt about it.

I immediately typed in "kitty bald spots" on Google and spent a half hour reading all the possible things that could be wrong with him. Among them, kitty leukima, ring worm, and some kind of mental disorder. All wonderful possibilities! Finally I found this article which mentioned that cats who have high anxiety and are prone to stress will often overgroom in times of change.

Anyway. I spent all night petting him and letting him sleep on the bed. He was the little spoon and I whispered in his kitty ear and told him he is just not allowed to be sick.

He's a good boy.

I love him.

Meow.

Elroy sums up the weekend with panties on his head.

My cat knows how to party. (of course, he LOOKS very serious at the same time. I think he's thinking "OH, THE INDIGNITIES I PUT UP WITH.")